My doctor and I are experiencing fundamental disagreements regarding the nature of our relationship. For instance, he prefers to employ newfangled medical terms such as cancer, AIDS and influenza, whereas I only use traditional expressions like ague, plague and "cursed by the Gods for I hath violated the Temple covenant." Unfortunately I tend to suffer this last complaint rather a lot, and so our consultations are fraught with frequent mis-communications and diagnostical stalemates that hinder my treatment, thus:
"And what exactly are the symptoms of this so-called curse, Mr Fez?"
"Well, 'tis as if all the horned toads from Jacob's fiery pond had palsied widdershins upon the cleft palate of the triple-uddered gryphon of Bastardy."
"I see. So your knee is still bothering you, then?"
"Nay. The Devil's mark be imprinted upon my poor soul in a most wretched and obscene manner."
"You have a headache, perhaps?"
"Begone foolish, stethoscoped knave. That which ails me cannot be cure with thy simple pills and nutritional recommendations. Mine is a special case and requireth the application of mystic balms and the unearthly incantations of ancient wizards."
"So why have you been sitting in our waiting room for the last three hours then?"
"Because the Wise Woman is too expensive and my insurance doesn't cover it."
