My personal dignity, sense of style and I are analyzing the possibilities of growing a beard upon my face. Needless to say, "due diligence" requires that a sort of Grand Council of the Ego be convened to negotiate matters relating to the proposed beard: planning permission must be granted by the Department of Dignity; designs must be submitted for approval by the Board of Style; and then I suppose I must award myself the contract to begin cultivating the necessary hairs.
But first things first. Slow and steady always wins the race with beards. And so my Ego's Grand Council must spend several days negotiating many important matters relating to the beard's eventual construction. For instance, what form should this architecture of hair take? And what facial function? Will it be structurally sound? Should it be?
Ignoring the upper-lip for the present, the so-called "mustache" section of flying buttress hairs, if we consider that the beard will conform, a priori, to normal beard conventions - that is to say, it will appear as an inverted arch - then the Grand Council must ask itself serious questions regarding the foundation layer of stubble, and henceforth the overall impact of the future arrangement of sprouting and curling hairs upon the landscape of my face. For example, should this inverted arch of beard be constructed in the Gothic Arch manner? Roman Arch? Or Moorish? And more to the point, can we hire the Sir Christopher Wren of chins? Do we want a dome effect? One that echoes? A whispering gallery, perhaps? What would I.M. Pei think? What would he think of a "goatee"? Should he even be told about it?
Such problems of facial geometry occur with greater frequency as one's jaw begins to recede with the onset of .....
(this essay is continued as Topic 85b, Link # 3482 at www.tedious_topics.com/really_boring_beard_talk)
