And it came to pass that it was the year of the Great Snows.
And in this time of perilous weather the people of the Lord crieth out, "Oh Lord, why should it be that the great fiery ball in yon sky provideth no warmth for thy people who are sore cold? ... And why doth the white snow fall upon the Earth in great heaps and mounds so that it doth hindereth the progression of thy people from pointeth A to pointeth B?"
And the Lord spake unto his people and He sayeth to them as if unto a stupid child: "If ye were not so concerned with wearing thy stylish robes and trendy garments of silken comfort, and if ye did instead weareth the big wooly sweaters and thick socks with sensible boots such as even thy mothers commanded ye to wear on days like this, then ye would not be so cold would ye ... And perhaps ye should also consider cultivating a really massive beard similar to the one I boasteth on my holy face, and like that which sprouteth upon the divine chinny chin chin of the Sacred Billy Goat Of The Temple. That too might help a little bit. And behold it is February anyway, so what do ye bloody well expect!"
But it so came to pass that the people of the Lord did ignore His words. And buildeth they instead a giant raft, and upon this raft the people of the Lord did set sail for the hot springs and soothing rays of the places they had seen in the glossy brochures which the Evil One had cunningly left laying around on the coffee tables in the dwelling places of the people of the Lord and everyone felt better about everythingeth.
Amen and a nice tan.
