IKEA in the Balkans

IKEA always reminds me of some Orwellian nightmare future where exhibitions of unconventionality are considered to be crimes; college kids are sent to the gulag for painting their bookshelves orange; bewildered men are tortured for not caring much about their kitchen counter tops; women are never seen again after whispering that this rug really doesn't go with that ottoman; slightly defective children gnaw upon the remains of cold Swedish meatballs in the dungeon area behind the loading zone. Shhhh: the yellow-shirted thought police are everywhere.