Heaven on Trip Advisor

My wife and I recently died and so made the trip to Heaven we'd been planning ever since our baptism at the First Church of Christ Traveler. Unfortunately, our experience of everlasting joy at play in the fields of the Lord turned out to be very different than the Five-Star Afterlife advertised in the brochure. My personal misgivings began as soon as we arrived at the entrance to this over-hyped celestial resort, an extremely gaudy set of pearly-look gates that were guarded by an arrogant and supercilious saint who couldn't find our reservation in his ridiculous book. However, after much haggling and argument he finally let us in and we were shown to a very shabby edge of a rain cloud overlooking a gasworks in New Jersey. My wife asked if we would each be given a pair of wings and a harp or trumpet, like we'd see in the brochure photos, but she was told that these were extra and required an upgrade to archangel class. Altogether it was an extremely annoying and rather unholy experience for both of us. Suffice it say, next time we die I think we'll give Nirvana a try. Mrs Bodhisattva from across the road says she loves it there because you don't have to think about anything since it's all done for you.