I used to keep a notebook beside my bed for recording all the inconvenient brainstorms that assailed me in the middle of the night. I'd quickly jot these thoughts down for safekeeping until morning, when I'd have the time and energy to give them my full attention. At least that's what I told myself as I fell back to sleep. Alas, the following day would offer nothing but broken lines of illegibly somnambulant handwriting, compared to which a scribbled doctor's prescription displayed all the elegant penmanship of Japanese calligraphy.
Thumbing through this notebook now, I mourn the many potential stories and novels that are lost within its unreadable tangle of ill-formed letters and indecipherable words. Long buried and sand-obscured Egyptian hieroglyphics in pitch black tunnels are easier to understand. The Voynich Manuscript is a model of literary clarity suitable for kindergarten book groups. Even the Rosetta Stone cannot help with my collection of incoherent doodles. I could have been a modern Charles Dickens if only I had learned to write clearly while drowsy and heavy-lidded. If only my mental secretary had learned shorthand before getting into bed.
Frankly, I blame being taught to write with an ink pen and blotting paper. No easy task for five-year-old fingers with a penchant for making amusing curlicues with extravagant flourishes of his over saturated nib. In fact, there was probably an element of looping seventeenth-century script about my early handwriting efforts. No doubt the letters s and f could be easily confused. That was a workable excuse for my poor pre-teen spelling, at any rate. And then I discovered the Rorschach Ink Blot Test.
Making elaborate, psychologically significant shapes with my writing materials was far more interesting than composing another dull essay for school called 'What I Did On My Vacation.' The Rorschach blots were more truthful too, as I tended to exaggerate the geographical distance traveled by my family in during the summer holidays. As far as I was concerned, the teachers could either read six paragraphs of spidery scrawl about my fictional adventures in Sumatra, or examine a symmetrical vampire bat-shaped ink blot from which they could draw their own conclusions about my activities. That they persistently chose the former is exactly what's wrong with education in this country, if you ask me.
Fortunately, the coming of the computer age means aspirant novelists don't need to worry about illegible handwriting in notebooks anymore. We can simply speak and digitally record our midnight inspirations into bedside mobile phones instead. Alas, I personally tend to mumble a lot when tired, so when I listen back to these recordings in the morning they are mostly inaudible and not worth transcribing. Thus are the libraries of the world denied the benefit of my imagination and the Tower of Babel is one brick shorter.
