The city is filled with wild animals during Coronavirus curfew. Mostly furry rabbits that our ancestors once fashioned winter hats from, and large, aggressive turkeys of the kind you see eaten in pictures of the first Thanksgiving. No doubt both feel safer simply because it's Spring, never mind the current dearth of predatory humans walking the streets after dark.
There are possibly coyotes around also, but being infamous tricksters they probably disguise themselves as the mailman or the UPS guy. And let's not forget that Sasquatch I saw behind the garbage cans. Although I guess that might be just my neighbor with his shirt off. It has been unseasonably warm the past few days.
It's the squirrels and rats I feel sorry for. Their traditional urban territory has been invaded by strangers from far afield, literally. The country mouse is here to steal the city mouse's discarded Chinese take-out.
In fact, considering how many footloose rabbits and fancy-free turkeys are wandering around, it might soon be safer to sneak out at night hunting food with a shotgun rather than buying it at a deadly virus compromised supermarket. But can I bring my self to skin and pluck my own dinner instead of simply defrosting it from a package? It's what cutting-edge anthropologists call the Hunter-Gatherer versus Shopper-Microwaver conflict.
At any rate, I've been checking the social media profiles of all my neighbors. If the community does descend into roving packs of post-apocalyptic barbarians, I want to be sure I join the strongest pack. I intend to volunteer my services as a looting and pillaging strategic-planner. After all, if I'm honest with myself, cooking rabbit stew and turkey meatloaf from complete carcass scratch isn't my area of expertise, and I certainly wouldn't want to weaken my pack by poisoning all its members with E-coli and botulism, never mind the pervasive COVID-19 concerns.
Meanwhile, I have enough canned vegetables and sardines in olive oil to make it through the next month. Let's hope the world has returned somewhat to normal by then. I really don't want to put my survival skills into practice unless it's absolutely necessary. So stay safe, reader, and keep your Bowie knife sharp.
