One of my pipe-dreams is to issue commemorative gold coins of myself. The obverse will feature my head in smug profile winking; the reverse an image of the Pied Piper with his rats. Around the coin are engraved the immortal words "This Coin's Value Is Frequently Debased," rendered in Latin and so small as to be unreadable without a microscope. On the other side is stamped the bad advice, "Make Important Decisions By Flipping." The coin will cost twenty bucks to special order, not including postage and packing, although I'll shave the gold down to a mere eight or nine bucks' worth before I actually release it into circulation Alas, I've yet to be involved in an event worth commemorating so the world of numismatics is short one very shiny but very fraudulent collectible.
Not that there would be much demand for my coin anyway. Most people do not carry cash around with them these days, preferring the convenience of plastic debit cards, and I'm sad to say this modern consumerist trend is true of me also. But I have a good reason for dispensing with dollar bills and small change. For a nominal fee, my bank allowed its customers to decorate their debit cards with a design of our own choosing. I suppose many family portraits or favorite works of art were sent to the bank's printers, but I uploaded an image of a plain blue background emblazoned with the caution "Are You Sure You Want To Buy This?" in bold yellow letters. If nothing else it's a conversation piece at cash registers and other points of purchase and makes me happy until I can finally mint my coin.
