I've invented a new method of torturing language terrorists. It's called Mayonnaiseboarding.
Mayonnaiseboarding is particularly effective in the re-education of those language terrorists who say "sammich" when they mean sandwich.
I contacted the CIA about my invention but they weren't interested. I told them they could substitute mustard for mayonnaise in the boarding process if that condiment was more to their taste. I even suggested they could apply "the works" to especially tough cases.
Alas, nothing doing. I guess this means I'll need to redirect my efforts to lobbying for pre-emptive strikes against the next edition of Merriam-Webster's dictionary.
