Automatic Out Of Office Reply

I am currently out of the office. Not that I do much when I'm there, obviously, but I thought that you'd want to know why I'm not responding to your email. However, I have, truth be told, given it a cursory glance. Let's face it, I check my email constantly, just like any other insecure egomaniac, and there was a slim chance that your email might be inviting me a BBQ or something like that. But in the end it was just a heads up about serious errors with my quarterly numbers. Ignorance is bliss, so they say, and consequently I'm "out of the office" to you and can completely ignore your tedious message. Things will be different on Monday, unfortunately, when I have to return to my desk and face the music, but until then please contact Deborah Tyrd or Randeev Booring if you have any urgent queries or concerns. Thank you.