Old Mother Hubbard: the Case Against

The sheer senility of Old Mother Hubbard absolutely beggars belief. How could anyone except the most severely retarded cretin forget that her dog supply cupboard was completely devoid of bones? This is surely a case of crass, criminal neglect by a mentally-defective hag rather than the forgivable absent-mindedness of a distressed gentlewoman, and yet we teach our children to sing nursery rhymes about such lack of respect for animal welfare. No wonder there are reports of local boys, the so-called Hubbard Gang, bullying Pigling Bland, stealing the Three Little Kitten's mittens, and urinating all over Baa Baa Black Sheep's bags of wool. This is the rocky road that leads to the murder of Cock Robin. Mark my words, very soon the world will not be safe for this little piggy to go to market without having his picnic basket vandalized by marauding mobs of mindless Jacks and Jills. Where is that damn Pied Piper when you need him?