My skin has been especially dry recently, peeling off my face in great, long, curly strips like a medieval scroll and necessitating a visit to my local dermatologist.
"Idiot. I said use an exfoliant, not a defoliant!" Dr Gleedle screamed as he confiscated my can of Agent Orange.
"I've been spraying that on my oily t-zone three times a day." I told him. "It has been reducing the shine a little bit even if my complexion is a lot redder.
Eventually he calmed down, suggesting that I should restrict my beauty regimen to a simple face mask worn every night.
But choosing the right face mask for me proved to be a complicated and frustrating task. I was torn between a cheap, plastic Incredible Hulk that fastened around the back of my head with piece of elasticated string, and the far more expensive Sauron the Dark Lord costume mask that was expertly fashioned from latex rubber. Of course, the sales clerk was absolutely no help when I asked him which one was best for troublesome pimples.
Anyway, in the end I plumped for the Sauron since at least it sort of sounded like a bona-fide cosmetic ingredient: Sauron Peroxide or something like that.
I've been wearing it to bed each evening, just as Dr Gleedle recommended. My skin isn't any better, but my girlfriend claims our sex life has improved immeasurably.
