Once again I am making available my fine collection of lovingly hand-published Christmas books for the first time. Ideal for both young and old and alive and dead. I am sure one of these handsome tomes will be a fine addition to that empty area beneath the Christmas tree. All of these beautiful volumes are bound in sumptuous, plague-free rat skin leather, and cost $19.99 excluding shipping and handling. Orders received by today will be dispatched in mid January. So brighten your family's Christmas morning by telling them that a couple of these delightful books will be delivered next year some time, subject to availability and applicable state fair-trading laws.
The Resentful Dog
A beautifully illustrated tale of a large bulldog called Rambo who awakens on Christmas morning to discover that his owners have forgotten to leave any presents for him beneath the tree. In retaliation he savages Auntie Agnes to death with his viciously razor-like jaws.
So, My Little Ones, You Never Thought You'd Hear From Uncle Herod Again
A charming pop-up book for children of all ages that follows the colorful adventures of maniacal monarch Uncle King Herod as he victimizes the local kids with a yet another seasonal bloodbath.
But Where Will The Fat People Live?
Evil Squire Scrawn has been narrowing cottage doorways in the village. Can Friar Plumpo crush him to death before it is too late? All will be revealed in this, the first installment of the justly celebrated "What About All The Fat People?" series of gripping adventure tales featuring overweight ecclesiastical sleuth Friar Plumpo and his heavenly sidekick, Saint Obesia.
Alyosius Shits By Candlelight
One for the children. A heartwarming tale in which little bow-legged Alyosius learns all about potty training from a farmyard goat that talks. Unfortunately, the goat must also tell Alyosius that he is dying from Goat Leukemia.
Jane Austen's Poorly Knee
While researching the life of the glamorous 18th century romantic poet Rupert Boore, busty Oxford professor Joanne de Crappe-Scollar unearths secret correspondence between Boore's mother and Jane Austen revealing that Jane Austen may have grazed her knee once while bending down to pick up a piece of needlework on a visit to Primly House in Somerset. A treat for all Jane Austen fans or anyone else who is a sucker for this sort of crap.
