Shaving your face with a razor in the morning can be a messy and excruciating business, as these memorable lines from the Icelandic Song of Darraðar remind us:
Blood rains from the cloudy web
On the broad loom of slaughter.
The web of man grey as armor
Is now being woven; the Valkyries
Will cross it with a crimson weft.
I usually begin my morning shave by making a series of random and violent strokes across my chin with a two-handed broadsword, then switch to a small battle axe for delicate touch-up work between the upper lip and base of the nose.
When the water in my wash basin turns deep red, and my lower face is naked and raw, I toss my weapons aside and dress my wounds with Grendel's Breath Aftershave Balm: it's sold exclusively by Beowulf Brothers of Bond Street.
