I have just taken my first yoga lesson and I have to say it is the worst martial art that I have ever practised. At the beginning of the class I went into my famous attacking "ha-cha" posture, but everybody else just sat cross-legged on the floor.
Obviously I thought that this was some kind of deceptive defensive tactic to lull me into a false sense of security. So I circled them warily in silence for about fifteen minutes, ready to strike at any moment, sizing up the opposition and attempting to catch their eyes while they pretended to ignore me.
Clever, clever, I thought, but not clever enough for me.
And so, with all the stealth and fury of a Bengal tiger, suddenly I attacked.
It took me roughly sixty seconds to kick all their stupid faces in. They could do nothing to protect themselves because they had all tied themselves up in these weird, ridiculous knot-like poses and were breathing in this really bizarre way. I was even able to knock the so-called "expert" unconscious with two simple chops to her neck.
I used to think Aikido was a crap way of fighting, but yoga takes the biscuit.
