Despite what you might expect, the Phantom of the Opera is very internet savvy. This is mainly because all the city's DSL and dial-up cables pass through his subterranean domain, and so he gets online for free, but also because he is especially keen on instant messaging since it means he can send unlimited threats to the management of our local opera house. His Facebook page, however, leaves a lot to be desired.
You can't use that picture of you in the mask, I told him, people will think you're a musical theater fag. Why not use an old one of you looking normal. After all, nobody knows you're deformed on the internet. I suppose Faust is okay to list as your favorite music even if it is old boring classical crap. Hopefully people will think you mean the Krautrock band of the same name. But what's all this "in a relationship" business. Who exactly are you in a relationship with?
With Christine, he rasped.
What are you talking about? That's not real relationship. You sing to her through a bloody wall for heaven's sake, I told him, and she just thinks you're a piano-playing ghost who knows her dad. You're living in a virtual reality fantasy. You might as well have a Wii girlfriend, or a Sony Playstation Playmate or something.
I sensed that he was getting angry by the brusque manner in which he flung his cape around his shoulders.
You know, let's just not go to the opera tonight, I suggested in my best placatory tone. Why don't we go to the movies instead. They're showing a revival of The Golem at the Film Archive, that would be cool. Or we could go and see Raoul's new band, they're playing out tonight.
You do that if you want, he spat, adjusting his mask like someone straightening a tie, and leave a message on my Wall telling me how it was. Then he swaggered out.
Some people really ought to get a life if you ask me.
